leaving on a jet plane. NOT
August 12, 2008my last saturday morning was quite nice. i got an email from the states that i got accepted to study there. it was an actual boost of self-esteem which i’ve been needing the most for the past few weeks. it actually made me smile. like my genuine, tagilid, kita ang gilagid, smile.
I really want to study there because i think that by going there, i will grow more as a person and that, i will be open to more possibilities and more opportunities. it’s something that i want to do for myself and for my family.
it just sucks that my parents think that i’m not independent enough to go there. i probably am. i don’t know. they’re to be blame anyway for always pampering and spoon-feeding us. i know na i could learn to be independent and that i could learn to live by myself if i’d go there. i don’t know. and kanina, my mom said that i shouldn’t leave kasi nga, depressed pa ako sa nangyari. it’s really annoying when sometimes they say things/reasons why i shouldn’t leave that are really, in my opinion, shallow.
my mom told me na she’s been asking for signs from God if i should be sent to the states. pero, isn’t my acceptance that “sign” already? i really hate wasting opportunities like these.
i really am depressed and annoyed that my parents find me immature to handle the pressures of studying abroad. i hate it that they underestimate me and i don’t deserve that kind of treatment.
i was really annoyed at my mom’s hirit kanina, “Let’s keep these letters para naman one day, makikita to ng mga anak mo and they’ll say, ‘ang galing ni daddy, in-offer-an mag-aral sa states.’” kupal.
Letting Go
August 8, 2008I’ve realized that I should never hinder a person have his or her happiness and realizing that, I just want to say, in a nutshell, that I’m letting you go and I’m sorry if I made it difficult for the two of us these past few weeks. I admire how determined you are in what you want.
I’m sorry if I couldn’t always be there for you when you needed me the most. Perhaps that is the main reason anyway why all this had happened.
Thank you for everything that you’ve done for me. Truly, I’ve felt that you love me every time you did something special.
Now, I know that I became a better person because of all the things we’ve been through, together. With you, I discovered how it felt to be loved, in a romantic sense, and, at least, I know what I’d look forward to.
I really don’t know Cyril but I hope that he would treat you right and won’t hurt you. You know that I’m bitter, and, for bitterness’ sake, hulog siya ng langit sa ‘yo, face first nga lang. HAHAHA
I guess I’ve said everything I think that I have or want to say. With or without you, I will live. Good luck to you and goodbye.
